From Sandbox to Sums: The Early Days
I’ve wanted to be a professor since I was 6 years old. No one knows where I got the word or what I thought it meant, but there’s an old school drawing on a worksheet titled “When I Grow Up I Want to Be” where I wrote “professor” (spelt badly) and drew myself surrounded by sums. Looking back, I think it was all about wanting to do maths every day and avoid dealing with humans!
Alongside maths, I loved watching Sooty, especially Soo from the show, who was my first real female role model. I was also a fan of art, loving to draw and enjoying Art Attack. These creative outlets provided a nice balance to my logical and analytical side, showing me that inspiration can come from a wide range of sources and hobbies.
Hyperfocused and Loving It
As I grew older, I never doubted I was going to be a maths professor. I was so adamant in my career path and couldn’t understand why my friends didn’t have plans and career goals in the same way. I now know it was the autism inside me. I’m also very sure that once I set my sights on a goal, it’s very hard for me to focus on anything else or let it go.
Despite my unwavering ambition, teachers and family members often tried to encourage me to aim lower. Since no one in my family had been to university, it was considered by my wider family inappropriate to dream of being a professor. It didn’t stop me, and despite the teasing about my love of maths, I became more determined to show them that I could achieve my dream.
Puzzle Passion and Detective Dreams
Alongside my love of maths, I adored puzzles. My mum always got me a new puzzle for every Christmas, birthday, and other random occasions. She tried to find ones to stump me, but I’d always finish them before bed – again, evidence of my stubborn single-track determination.
I also loved detective shows, particularly lighter ones with private investigators. Favorites included Diagnosis Murder, Murder She Wrote, Father Brown, Monk, Psych, and Jonathan Creek. I remember telling a colleague a few years ago that I liked *Murder She Wrote* and he commented on Jessica being a busybody. It made me really appreciate how differently women doing the same activities as men are viewed.
The Bill and My Gran: TV Talk Time
I also loved police dramas. *The Bill* was a particular favorite – the CID episodes more so, but I loved the cast and storylines. I used to love my gran ringing me to discuss the latest storylines and our views.
When I was at university, I even made a poster of The Bill cast. I didn’t realise this was unusual until I was going through the assessment for autism. During that process, I realised perhaps I’d had a special interest after all!
A-Level Adventure: The Subjects Showdown
At college, I was so obsessed with taking double maths that I had to drop A-level interior design (much to my dad’s relief). Long story short, I ended up with double maths and law, and needed to find another subject. While discussing my hobbies in the careers office, I learned for the first time that computing was an A-level subject with coding. I arrived a lesson late and found most of my male friends there – they’d been told and encouraged to take this elective. I hadn’t!
Degree Doldrums and Discoveries
Throughout college, tutors tried to encourage me and my parents to get me to change my A-level choices. Everyone thought I was making a mistake. I remember clearly being told in front of my parents that with a combination like that, I’d never get a job.
So, I did a degree, and to be honest, I was so focused on getting it so I could do a PhD and become a professor that I didn’t take anywhere near as much time to enjoy university life as I should have. In fact, I hated my degree and that was solely my own fault. Time out for teacher training while grieving lost family members after my degree cemented my love of teaching, but equally my love of technical teaching.
PhD: The Perfect Hodgepodge of Hobbies
I searched for nearly 12 months for a PhD that clicked with me, something I’d been told was important. Long gone were the days of a maths focus; I knew I wanted to do something computer-related. Eventually, I went for an interview for network security and the head of forensic computing was on the panel. Partway through the interview, he said he also had a PhD available. I asked what forensic computing was, and I remember him later telling me that it was obvious I wanted to work with him. Yes, it probably was. To find out that the combination of the three topics I loved – maths, law, and computing – was an actual job was amazing.
Forensic Fun: Private Eye in Academia
What made it better was that I did my PhD at a place very focused on impact and practical work. I was involved in casework from day one, supporting the police. Like a duck to water, I took to being a “private investigator” alongside my academic duties.
Throughout my early career most of my involvement was supporting prosecution investigations in criminal cases. Once I took over the research group we expanded significantly into civil, intelligence and working with journalists. The team and I found the broadening of investigations a much better fit for our mental health and it enabled us to explore a variety of case styles and techniques. It also meant we have been fortunate to assist with cases all over the world!
Klingon Promotions: Climbing the Academic Ladder
Climbing the academic ladder in digital forensics has been interesting and challenging. It’s often felt like a Klingon ship, only progressing because the people above you are gone. I’ve been placed in situations due to staffing where I’ve been overstressed and had to learn quickly to survive. In hindsight, this could have been a disaster for my mental and physical health, and indeed, at times, it was far too close for comfort. However, I’ve always pushed myself to make professor.
During this journey, I faced significant bullying. I was unsure if it was due to my age, my quirkiness, my gender, or just the undiagnosed autism. For a number of years, older, more senior academics made life very challenging, leading to a high number of what I now know are autistic meltdowns. It was this intensity that led to someone realising anxiety might be a symptom, not the problem, and eventually led to my autism diagnosis.
Looking back, the bullying only got very bad when my career and my team started really flying. I think it just shows that as you’re rising, things can get challenging. But I am proud of how the team and I survived. I am now a strong advocate against bullying in academia, supporting colleagues where I can and not being afraid to highlight bad behavior.
The Balancing Act: Life, Family, and Hyperfocus
I’m aware that I pushed myself to this goal (unintentionally, with my autistic hyperfocus) at the expense of family, friends, and a life. It’s not something I’d recommend and something I am starting to wonder about. However, I love my job and my life, and now that I’ve settled into being a professor, I’m comfortable with the choices and the freedom my role gives me to have adventures.
Believing that good things will find you and knowing it’s never too late to stop something that isn’t working for you is crucial. Life is too short to live solely to make other people happy; in the end, that only makes everyone miserable. It’s important to recognise when a path is no longer serving you and have the courage to start a new journey. This mindset has allowed me to embrace my role as a professor with a sense of fulfillment and joy, knowing that my journey, though challenging, was always aligned with my true passions and aspirations.
The Champagne Moment
At 36, 30 years after deciding on a career path, I found out I’d been lucky enough to get a chair in a field I adore. What’s more, they wanted me to continue all my engagement, my casework, and just be me. I feel grateful every day that they saw something in me they wanted and that I finally found my crew. When I got the email saying they wanted me, I remember rushing to my parents’ house with champagne, having told them there was no chance for weeks before the interview. I wanted to wind them up and celebrate. My dad face was over the moon, and that moment will forever be something I treasure.
Life as a Professor: Beyond the Classroom
Life as a professor is as dynamic and multifaceted as I had always dreamed. I sit on national and international advisory councils and boards, where I get to shape the future of my field and contribute to important discussions on policy and research. My work as a private investigator continues to take me all over the world, engaging in different types of investigations. This aspect of my job allows me to combine my academic expertise with real-world applications, keeping my work exciting and impactful.
Building my team and establishing new physical labs has been a thrilling and rewarding challenge. Seeing my vision come to life through the creation of cutting-edge facilities and a supportive team environment is incredibly fulfilling. These labs not only advance our research capabilities but also provide hands-on learning experiences for students and early career researchers.
In these roles, I strive to mentor and inspire the next generation of scholars and practitioners. Outreach activities are particularly close to my heart. I aim to be the role model I never had, demonstrating to young women and underrepresented groups that they too can succeed in fields like digital forensics and computing. It’s about breaking barriers and showing that anyone, regardless of their background, can achieve their dreams with determination and passion.
The Dream was Worth it!
Reflecting on my journey, I’m filled with gratitude for the opportunities I’ve had and the support I’ve received along the way. Being a professor is not just a job; it’s a lifelong dream come true. Every day, I’m reminded of the importance of perseverance, the value of mentorship, and the impact of following one’s passion. Here’s to dreaming big, working hard, and inspiring others to do the same.
And now, while I’m still young enough to enjoy it, life has truly more than begun. I’m more than starting to find that balance, to have adventures and to live in a way that got lost for so long.
The single greatest moment so far? Hearing your childhood female role model say this …..